Life has been teaching me to slow down recently. If you know me at all, you know I’m an avid over achiever. Have 10 push ups to do? I aim for 11. Got a floor to sweep? I’ll sweep, vacuum and mop. Have a dishwasher to unload? I’ll merrily unload it, start loading it again, and probably clean the entire kitchen… you get the picture. I feel an insane amount of satisfaction that way. Call me crazy… I love getting stuff done.
Which is why it can be so hard when my body seizes up on me.
My sciatica has been back for almost a month. It is crippling if I’m not wearing my hip brace. But thanks to a really helpful brother in law who is an osteopath, and a diligent husband, I am not yet on crutches like I was last time *knock on wood*. My symptoms are that my hips are starting to feel loose, and by 9am everyday (my kids are up at 6), I start having a really tight soleus and hamstring, and then my glute and back muscles seem to get rock hard, all on my left side. Then if I keep walking around (this is typically about 10am), I start to get sharp shooting pains down my left leg, which can literally take my leg out from under me. So I’m having to sit for long periods of time. Especially if I know I have to be somewhere later, like the store, or church, which will require a lot of walking/standing. And it is depressing for several reasons:
1. My husband is often away Mon-Thurs for work. So with no one to massage my body, I seize up more, and I often end up being able to do even less.
2. I hate sitting.
3. If I leave my phone upstairs, it’s up there for like 6 hours. So responding to texts/calls happens even more infrequently than before.
1. You read more books (providing you choose not to sit in front of the television).
2. You listen to birds, and feel the wind on your face, and play with your children more.
3. You start to remember there are more important things to do every day than ‘getting stuff done’.
4. You learn to simply be. Not having your phone constantly by your side is a surprisingly healthy thing.
There’s a great peace in just being present… plus a peace of being home with my girls. We laugh and sing and tell stories together, all of which we have always done, just we do it all way more than before my body started hurting so often. I have been known to get cabin fever… yeah, like all the time… but this whole hip thing has forced me to get over that. And I’m really humbled by it. Not that my situation is even that bad right now. My hip brace really helps with the feeling loose issue. Plus, some days I just ache and have no shooting pain. I love those days.
Grateful to live in such a beautiful part of the world. Grateful to not be neaseated/on crutches/have liver disease/have nosebleeds/have migraines like my last pregnancy. I am still loving taking classes- the thought of graduating is so scrumptious to me. I really cannot wait to do the whole cap and gown thing. Life is good, friends. There’s always going to be sorrow, pain or heart ache to some degree. But maybe my all time favorite quote, by someone AMAZING called Gordon B. Hinckley goes like this:
I love that quote. May you all go print it out and stick it on your bathroom mirror! The word ‘cultivate’ is so rich and empowering, don’t you think? The best part of that quote is that it makes the qualities seem attainable. I, for one, have been far less prone to cynicism and sarcasm since meditating on that quote and actively trying to cultivate my attitude regarding my situation. And, I’ve been a far more pleasant wife and mother to be around as a result.
So here’s to the power of sitting. Long may its’ influence bless my life- even after I deliver this baby and can train for marathons again… (only 17 weeks and 5 days to go… not that I’m counting or anything 😉)