Are you somewhat shy yet sassy? A deep down diva? My hope for you, reading this, is to have a laugh and grow your own confidence. The kind that radiates from deep inside. After speaking with my partners in crime, we have decided to release this crucial information for anyone either in need of building their flirting capabilities or confidence.
In college I found both my confidence and the extent of my somewhat impressive flirting capabilities. Besides good grades, my room mates and I always sought to fun, fabulous and “so so fine”. We also gave every guy either a code name or epithet. Besides each other, all of our friends were male. We also became gym rats. Partially, because we loved working out; and partially because there were some hot guys, aka Attractive Gym Boy, who also frequented the gym. Attractive Gym Boy was a 6″7 hunk of a man, you could say a mix between Hercules and Ryan Guzman. *Swoon*.
BYU gym goers, you know who I am talking about.
For some reason, we never managed much more than “Hi, how are you?” to Attractive Gym Boy because he seemed so perfect and out of our league. To every other guy, however, we felt much more comfortable with, and oddly we knew that at some point, every guy in our apartment complex had had a crush on at least one of us. We never bragged about this or were prideful. It was just a fact we had to accept. And, after reminiscing, this is how we think we acquired that status:
SMILE- Everyone looks better when they smile, and smile with your eyes! None of this closed lip/dead eye barf.
IT COMES FROM WITHIN- All 3 of my room mates always oozed confidence way before I ever did. Public speaking, sports, academics, around guys… you name it, they rocked it. They knew who they were, what they stood for and knew their limits. We also all learned how to laugh off a broken ankle or broken ego, so that helped refine our skills too…
FLIRT GOSH DARN IT- It has to be done. Sometimes shamelessly, but most often subtly. Never awkwardly. Flirt and flirt well, my friends.
BE KIND TO EVERYONE- This is a hard one, even for the most Christlike of people. I’m not saying we were perfect. But we tried really hard to be kind to people. I know two of us failed with one guy in our dinner group- he always meant well but his efforts (cold spaghetti sauce and blackened toast) always rubbed us the wrong way- but with everyone else, we sincerely tried.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF- Inside and out. If you don’t take care of yourself, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically, you’ll miss out on the amazingness of being whole -feeling confident and complete. P.s. Always brush your teeth. You never know when you’re going to wish you had minty fresh breath 😉
DON’T DATE SOMEONE IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM- I was the worst for this. And I know lots of other girls suffer the same thing. I just had a really hard time saying no. I made myself happy with settling for second best. The benefits were free meals, kisses, and late night rides home from the library, but I wasn’t happy. I rationalized that Tom (my now husband) would be back from his missionary service in 2 long years- so why not pass the time with guys who were willing to get me nice things or take me places… but honestly, I should have just made it happen with Attractive Gym Boy, or waited for someone else I actually liked to make a move.
BE EXPRESSIVE- Loads of people get shy if they feel certain people are scrutinizing them. But one key to being true to yourself (and also being remembered by that certain someone) is to be expressive with not only your facial features, but your body (hands, feet, hair, the works) and be passionate and honest about whatever the conversation is about! Just go for it. The more interaction you have with others, the better you’ll become at social cues and how to express yourself effectively and appropriately.
HAVE SEXY HAIR- This is a no brainer. If this means dying your hair at 4am, you do it.
MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT- Unless dropping your eyes momentarily to flirt. Think “how does confident, sassy me meet new people/introduce herself/stand up for herself/flirt?” Learn to stand your own and be comfortable maintaining eye contact. Not only do guys love it, but it will help you out during job interviews, etc etc. Eventually, if you can make eye contact with anyone and everyone, you will naturally feel more confident and learn that most people accept and love you (haters gonna hate so just move on), therefore you have nothing to be shy about.
WEAR FLATTERING CLOTHES- Why do girls go out wearing clothes that exaggerate all the wrong places? *Sigh*. Be modest. Be fabulous. Dress well. I recommend Nordstrom Rack as opposed to the 2nd hand clothing store in the picture above.
MAKE YOUR LIPS AND EYES POP- Unless you have a huge boil on your face, your lips and eyes are the main features people focus on when talking to you! Learn how to make your lips and eyes pop (an honest friend or Youtube are both good for this) and watch your confidence and flirting capacity sky rocket.
ROADTRIP & WEAR A SWIMSUIT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE- By wearing a swimsuit as often as possible you’re typically more aware of your body (as you’re almost naked) hence you learn to be confident about yourself on many levels. Our crew went on a semi-annual road trip to California every year for 3 years. And swam at the pool in between.Take boys. Even if you don’t like them in that way it makes for lots more fun, more friendships, memories and you can even practice your flirting/confidence with some of them.
DON’T BE AFRAID OF PHYSICAL CONTACT (BRUSH AGAINST A GUY’S ARM ETC) The best flirts are the ones who know how to use physical contact in the right amounts. As there are too many variants to be described, all you need to know is that if you can touch anyone (except married men) in just the right amounts and differentiate between just a touch vs a flirty touch, you’ll be a Confidence and/or Flirting Master in no time. Please note my friend in the hammock had a GF who was about 10 feet away.
KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF GRACEFUL/HAVE GOOD POSTURE- It is especially important for tall girls or fat girls to move gracefully. As opposed to being awkward. Learn how to move your limbs gracefully. Close your mouth if you aren’t speaking. Control your sneezes. Practice sitting or picking up a pencil gracefully, if you look gawky or awkward, refine your movements. One triumph in life was when an even taller girl said to me “Tash, you are the most graceful tall person I’ve ever seen.” Win.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO PLAY- Play games, play sports, go swim, run anything! Be up for anything within reason, unless doing your hair (private joke), and have fun. Not only guys but everyone around you will feel relaxed and enjoy your presence. Please note we did eventually return this shopping cart.
READ YOUR SCRIPTURES/PRAY- Cheesy but true. Study your beliefs and live true to the doctrine. Never drop your standards for anyone. If God is on your side and/or you’re open to His guidance, you can always play safe and call on his strength for help with building your confidence in all areas of your life.
WEED OUT THE CRAZIES- Honestly, till college I had NO IDEA there were so many mental people out there. All over the spectrum, from slightly off their rockers to down right nutters… All ages, male and female. Prepare yourself- learn how to handle them as kindly as possible and STAY AWAY. If you end up rooming with one of them, that’s unfortunate, but will make for some good stories down the line. Beginning of sophomore year one roomie mistakenly started flirting/held hands with a guy who turned out to be psychotic and his mental breakdown and the effects thereof followed her around till graduation. No joke. If you get involved with these people, or if they become emotionally reliant on you, your life is going to suck for a long long time… You have been warned.
HAVE FUN HAVING FUN- Want to be confident, happy and feel fabulous? Just have fun. Embrace who you are and believe in your talents and abilities. Choose to be happy. Choose to be confident.
Now, go forth and flirt. Sometimes shamelessly, but most often subtly. Never awkwardly. Flirt and flirt well, my friends.
Disclaimer: To avoid negative comments if you don’t know me personally, this post is written with good intentions, truth, hyperbole, and intermittent sarcasm. Many sweeping statements supporting the ‘fake it till you become it’ mentality show that this is written in 100% good humour and 90% seriousness… I believe confidence is one of the greatest gifts you will ever give yourself as it allows you to live FREELY. If you aren’t talented in the flirting arena, observe someone who is a master. There are enough out there. If they can do it (as we once did), you can too…Am I saying being a flirt and being confident go hand in hand? Maybe I am. At least sometimes in your life. College is for sure one of those times.